One more day left and the first month is over.  Seems like a lot has happened and yet there is a strange feeling of not much being accomplished.  This month I moved from one apartment to the next, worked, finished a whole book of over 100 poems, wrote new songs, built new websites, made new friends, and thought about the heaviness of living – but yet, there is still something that feels evasive.  Something that I feel that I can grasp firmly with my hands, and yet it is always out of my reach.

I have been reading more on the monasticism of the Syrians in the 4th and 5th centuries.  It fascinates me how these people lived, how they chose (some from an early age) to leave the wordly things behind and go into the realm of silence and introspection.

This morning I got up very early, and sat in the cold, attempting to be in silence.  But I fell asleep.  And as funny as that sounds, I realized that the work of the soul, or better said – the attempt to work at the soul, is indeed one of the greatest struggles.   We often think that paying the bills, going through life healthy, getting a career, attaining some sort of stature in your community and society are very hard things – but in fact they compare little to the struggle of understanding your heart and soul.

Tonight is Friday night, January 30, 2009 – everyone is out and about in the great city.  All the young people of my age are celebrating the start of the weekend, enjoying their life.  I’m attempting to comprehend silence.


~ by alexmalina on January 31, 2009.

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